If we want to assign blame, if we want to say she was driven to this desperate, final act, who is truly to blame? The family who perpetrated the MySpace hoax, leading her to believe a cute guy named Josh liked her and then suddenly didn't like her? Or her own family, particularly her mother?
Many articles about Megan's death state that Megan went upstairs and hung herself after her mother found her upset about MySpace messages from "Josh" and - instead of offering any comfort - criticized her daughter for using vulgar, inappropriate language to defend herself against friends who were attacking her.
"Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.You're supposed to be my mom. You're supposed to be on my side.
"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan.
Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling Tina, "You're supposed to be my mom! You're supposed to be on my side!"
On the stairway leading to her second-story bedroom, Megan ran into her father, Ron.
"I grabbed her as she tried to go by," Ron says. "She told me that some kids were saying horrible stuff about her and she didn't understand why. I told her it's OK. I told her that they obviously don't know her. And that it would be fine."
Megan went to her room and Ron went downstairs to the kitchen, where he and Tina talked about what had happened, the MySpace account, and made dinner.
Twenty minutes later, Tina suddenly froze in mid-sentence.
"I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet."
Megan Taylor Meier died the next day, three weeks before her 14th birthday."
I don't excuse Lori Drew and her helpers for their part in this, nor do I believe that parents should always take their children's side no matter what, without finding out the facts.
However, in Megan's case, it appears to me that Lori Drew and Tina Meier share equal amounts of responsibility for Megan's death.
The bulk of the responsibility belongs to Megan herself. That's one of the hardest parts about suicide. The person who's gone, the person we grieve, is the person deserving of the most blame about his or her own death.
There's no easy way to reconcile that.
5 comments:
I'm going to play the devils advocate here, and say that while it's easy to blame the dead person for their own demise, it's not always right. You are talking about a 14 year old who was being actively tormented by other adults, and ostracized by her peers, and who seemed to be receiving NO SUPPORT from the people who should have been there from her most, her parents. Of course she felt helpless, alone and wanted it to end. There was no one there to provide any sort of perspective, or support.
Perhaps you're teen years were different, but as someone who endured (what seemed at the time) endless torment from her peer group with little parental support (they wanted me to be popular), simply "bucking up" and "taking it" doesn't work. When the adults won't help, you've got to help yourself, and when you're an irrational teenager who thinks this is going to be going on for the Rest Of Your Life, it's quite easy to decide that just ending it is preferable.
Agree with Feh23 here. Speaking as someone who's suffered from depression most of my life, I think you're being harsh on Megan Meier. And while I'm not one to make excuses "for da cheeldrun," 14-year-olds just do not have the same ability, cognitively, to step back and look at the big picture that full-grown adults do.
Also, if Lori Drew behaved as she is accused of behaving, consider that she was more or less grooming a minor for a sexual relationship under false pretenses.
"Also, if Lori Drew behaved as she is accused of behaving, consider that she was more or less grooming a minor for a sexual relationship under false pretenses."
That's a good point. I wonder if any charges are being considered related to that. I don't think the legal fallout is done with this case.
Also consider the fact that this teenager was as nuts as a Planters Mix Special. This girl didn't stand a chance. She had ADD, obesity, and self esteem issues as well as adults for enemies.
This is just an all around sad situation. The good that will come out of it though is that legislation will be created to better protect (legally) people from cyber-bullying.
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